This cannot be.

Urgh.

Next mission in Life: LOSE 5 KILOGRAMS.

PLEASE, God.

espoir Noun, masculine hope; sans ~ hopeless

How can you ask me to erase my hopes when they're all I'm made of?

And all this while I thought you were my Espoir, the man of my dreams.

And so, it begins in a little less than 10 hours.

Are you freaking kidding me?

I'm so terrified I think I could bite all my nails off. But at least this is the beginning of the end (of this term).

God help me. Help us.

Allah the Almighty says: [Victory will be yours; but on Allah put your trust if you have faith.] (Al Maidah, 5:23 )

These words give us strength to face hardships and difficult people. But at the same time as depending on Allah, we must exert effort and use all the material resources provided by Allah. If we do so we will be obeying His orders. When we sincerely depend on Allah we feel tranquility in our hearts because we know that Allah is on our side. We should try to detach ourselves from always seeking material things and keep in mind that no harm or benefit comes to us without the permission of Allah.

Now, if only life came with a remote control. Let it be December already!!

Things to do post-30 Nov:

1) Paranormal Activity with the best buddies
2) TJUNCS loving. finally.
3) amazing dates with my amazing boy
4) KOREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA wahoot. winter winter winter! finally!
5) get ready for yet another term of craziness

Not looking forward to #5 so much, but whatever really.

I just want to get past the next few days of November and get over and done with this term already.

I hate exams.

Urgh.

Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up when it knocks you down

dis·sat·is·fac·tion (dĭs-sāt'ĭs-fāk'shən)

The condition or feeling of being displeased or unsatisfied; discontent.

And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one


I love their voices individually. Together, it's just Boomz. ((:

Taken off Kaly's note on Fb (I hope you don't mind):

I want a guy that likes me for who I am... "when my hair is natural and messy, when my clothes aren’t always the best ones out of my closet, when my make-up, when i wear it, isn’t at it’s best. i just want someone in my life that’s honest with me no matter what. i wish you realized that you’re everything i’ve always wanted. everytime we’re walking side by side i want to grab your hand and never let go. or when we’re looking each other in the eyes while talking or even when we’re laying by each other on your floor, i wish you would scoot over a little bit more and kiss me. out of no where. that would make me feel special and great. and to be honest, you’re the first guy i’ve really wanted to be mine and mine only. it’s been almost a year and i want to tell you so bad, but my confidence isn’t ready to face something like this. maybe i’m not ready, but i wish i was. in my mind i imagine what we’d look like, and what our friends would think of us. we’re a lot alike with interesting differences. i just want you to realize that i’ll always be here, waiting, wishing, HOPING, that you would just open up to me. and maybe, just MAYBE feel the same way. let’s start something great before it slips away. i can’t afford to lose someone as sweet and great as you. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. never leave my side, or i’ll be lost."

Hmmmm. So sweet isn't it. Whoever this girl is, she totally captured the whirlwind of thoughts in my head about a year ago. I remember the first of November last year so well still.

But, of course all that has changed. Or so I think and tell myself.

What if I never knew you?
What if I never found you?
What if I never had these feelings inside?
What if I decided to take the other path?
What if I never applied for Law school?
What if I took more time to think about becoming a full-time hijabi?
What if I was the only child? Or the youngest? Or what if I had an elder sister?
What if I had done something about protecting my best buddy’s best interests? What if I had actively stopped him from drinking and smoking?
What if I was still single?
What if I was still as slender and fit as I used to be in JC?
What if I had joined dragonboat instead of silat?


What if I couldn’t care less?

"Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect someone to read your mind, and don’t play games with heads or hearts. Don’t tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out. Half truths are no better than lies. Don’t be cold to someone you care about; indifference hurts more than angry words." - Anonymous

I've said my peace. I think. You're right, you don't know me. Not anymore. Whatever has passed is in the past. You have no right to judge me. You may know a lot, but you don't know the person I have become, you don't have any idea of what really goes on in my relationship and, most of all, you do not know for sure how much we really love each other.

So don't go about saying either of us deserves better, or that you're anticipating that we fall apart. That is just plain rude.

Good relationships balance over time. This means that at any particular point in time, the relationship may appear quite unbalanced: one partner may be more nurturing; one may be more needy; one may be providing all the financial support, etc. But if both partners are loving, understanding, giving, dedicated and flexible, then the relationship can handle all kinds of ups and downs, and still be strong, exciting and romantic. The best relationships are well balanced. Not a delicate balance, not a static balance, but a dynamic ever-changing balance.
— Gregory Godek

...Now on to brace myself for the coming weeks.

I planned to go home early yesterday. I wanted to be home in time for dinner, so I left school after Maghrib.

When I got home, my grandma went: "Oh, balik cepat hari ni? (Oh, you're home early today?)". My bibik stared at the clock in disbelief. My sister was perplexed. And when I walked into the kitchen to greet mama and papa, they went: "You're back early!"

Hahahaha. Yes it felt weird. But boy was it a great feeling :) And the familial conversation with my parents and grandma after that made it all so much more worthwhile.

Family is God's gift to you, as you are to them :) I am so thankful that papa is back home.

Dear God,

It's been a really ugly week.

I used to believe that things do get better in time... but somehow the way things have unfolded these few days is making me doubt that belief.

I guess what doesn't break us makes us stronger. Give me faith, God. Help me get through this.

Bless papa with a speedy recovery too please. We miss him. He belongs at home, not at the hospital.

Upset.

Today and tomorrow = looong, tiring days. Briefing/rehearsal today and set-up and The Launch tomorrow. I'm so excited I don't even have space in my head to feel nervous or anxious. Wish us all the best, guys! (: Thanks for your support ((:

& here's our Theme Song/Official Music Video...



Thank you God, for blessing me with amazing friends & for Your guidance throughout this journey (:

Moments ago, I was upset with him - and for something quite minor actually. And then as I was clearing my email, I re-read our email exchange from a few weeks back. & this last paragraph he wrote totally made me smile again (:

I dun wanna put u in a situation that makes u uncomfortable by keeping something ur not comfortable with. Why would I wanna do that? Just noe this..that I loooooooooooooove cats a lot. So when I found a girl whos as cute or even cuter than cats. U noe. I just hav to make her be mine, sayang.

& boy am I glad you did (:

From primary school to secondary school to JC, my no.1 pet peeve every morning during assembly/flag raising would be hearing the national anthem being sung wrongly. It's "marilah kita bersatu", and THEN "semua kita berseru". Get your words right, damnit! Have some respect for the old man, right? -_-

But I always closed one eye anyway. Can't blame our non-Malay friends for a small mistake, can we? (But yes, I got more irritated in JC because HELLO you're freaking 17 or 18 years old already and you still don't know the right words?!)

But guess what?
Taufik Batisah got the words mixed up when he sang the anthem at F1 the other day.
So much for being the Singapore Idol? AND he's Malay. That makes it so much worse. I really don't know what to say. I have nothing against him, and I know people make mistakes... but still. I'm perplexed! >.<

( Taufik Batisah apologises for Singapore national anthem error )

Bravo. Majulah Singapura.

For the uninitiated, my group of friends and I have been working on Project Cleft, this Malay music album project in support of Operation Smile. We'll be launching the album on 10th October (that's just 2 weekends away!), so here's a little promo trailer :)



&yes we recorded a theme song so that's why you see us being filmed :) My favourite song's in the album has got to be Dreamfall's Sebalik Senyuman. Fizah, I think you might know the band, no? hahaha. They're amazing. :)

Do support our cause! Have a heart for children with facial deformities, namely those suffering from cleft lip/palates medical condition. We're selling the CDs at $15 each. Mail to projectcleft@gmail.com for pre-orders, we're making only 1000 copies so quick! Visit us at Project Cleft (Singapore) on Facebook for more updates and details! Or you could just leave a comment here :)

Thanks, people! :D

"You put on weight."
"You're fat now eh."
"You look tired."

Yes, I know I'm far from the slender girl I was two years back. Yes, I know I've got freaking heavy eyebags that refuse to go away no matter what I try to do. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe I'm taking things a tad too personally. Maybe people mean well. But youknowwhat. It upsets me all the same. I just don't take comments like that very well.

I'm still trying to learn to be comfortable in my own skin.

If I could have one wish granted right now, I would really like to lose 10 kilos please, thankyou.

In the spirit of Eid, here's something for us to ponder about.



Heart-wrenching and heart-warming at the same time, no?

Eid mubarak, my Muslim friends :) Try not to be too extravagant in your celebrations if you can help it. Haha. &minal aidin wal faizin - do forgive me for my wrongdoings towards you, if any, intentional or otherwise. Have a great Syawal ahead. (:

One day, love and friendsip met. Love asked, "Why do u still exist if i've already existed?" Friendship replied, "To wipe away the tears when u left."

**
Altogether now, Awwwww...